


If you can't see the cracks.. is it still broken?

by Iwouldhavelovedyouforever



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, But who also grounds him, Canon compliant until 3x12, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hurt Ian Gallagher, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Ian has a dad who loves him, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian Gallagher, Protective Mickey Milkovich, References to Abuse, References to Canon, Sad Ian Gallagher, references to past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 00:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13088529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwouldhavelovedyouforever/pseuds/Iwouldhavelovedyouforever
Summary: A year ago Ian Gallagher's life changed forever.His birth father took a paternity test and asked Ian to live with him, Ian reluctantly agreed and moved to the North side of Chicago with his dad, his dad's wife Lucy and their son Jacob.Clayton knew Ian was broken; but he didn't have any idea how bad it was until Ian took his 14 year old brother to a party on the Southside and Jacob got hurt..Ian is wracked with guilt and Clayton realises that he could never be as hard on Ian as Ian is on himself.There is some Mickey and Ian scenes throughout, but this fic is predominantly about Ian and his feelings.This fic is canon compliant up until 3x12 and then it is set a year after that but none of season four happened.Rated Mature for language and past references to abuse.





	1. The fuck up.

**Author's Note:**

> I have wrote this fic that exists in an alternate universe that I haven't written a back story for yet.
> 
> So basically; Clayton took a paternity test and found out for sure that Ian is his son.
> 
> He asked Ian to move in with him and even though Ian didn't want to leave his family, his siblings encouraged him to go live with Clayton because he would have more opportunities for himself there.
> 
> Ian also decided that he wanted a relationship with his father.

Ian groaned inwardly, he was fucked. 

He had fucked up really bad.

He hadn't meant for Jacob to get hurt, he would have never taken him there if he knew that was going to happen. 

Ian ran a hand down his face, mentally kicking himself. 

Jacob was his innocent little brother, he should have never in that situation and Ian knew it.

He hated himself for being so selfish, his dad had asked if he could look after Jacob for the night, him and Lucy had a dinner in town and they didn’t want to leave their youngest alone in the house.

Jacob was only 14 and Ian being his older brother at 16 was expected to help out and look out for his brother when he could.

Ian hasn’t been very happy having to babysit his little brother for the night but he couldn't exactly say no because that would involve letting his dad in on the fact that he was going to a party in the Southside for the night, something his dad would not have approved of or actually allowed him to do. 

Ian let his head fall back against the chair he was sitting on in the emergency waiting room and sighed miserably as he recounted the nights events in his head for the 100th time. 

It was a Friday night and Ian didn’t want to be stuck at home, bored with his little brother.

He wanted to go meet Mickey and Mandy at the party that Mickey had been invited to by one of his suppliers.   
After swearing his brother to secrecy, he had told him where they were going and Jacob had practically squealed in delight.

He loved going anywhere with his big brother but this was something he hadn’t done before, this was exciting and a little bit dangerous and Jacob couldn’t wait.

Ian had rolled his eyes when Jacob had made the almost squeal but had a smile on his face, as much as he annoyed him, he really did love his little brother.

Which is why Ian was feeling so bad now, his eyes burning with guilt as he thought about what had happened. 

The party had started of great, he had met up with Mickey who actually looked happy to see him, he had hugged Mandy and gotten himself a beer.

Jacob had jumped up on the hood of a car next to Mandy who had given him a friendly shoulder nudge.  
Jacob really liked Mandy, she was always nice to him whenever he tagged along with Ian and made him feel like he was actually wanted around, not just Ian’s annoying little brother.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

They had been at the party for about an hour and Ian had managed to sneak off with Mickey twice already, he trusted Mandy to keep an eye on Jacob so he didn’t think twice of taking his time a little the second time.  
When Ian and Mickey finally appeared again, both with huge grins on their faces and dishevelled hair, their eyes both were immediately drawn to a crowd hanging around the car that Mandy and Jacob had been sitting on.

Ian’s heart had immediately jumped to his throat.

Jacob.

Ian sprinted over to where he had last seen his little brother and was barrelled into by a crying Mandy. “I’m so sorry Ian,” she sobbed.

“Jason Marlow was getting really handsy and Jacob told him to back off.. Jason didn’t like that and when Jacob turned to see if I was okay, he hit him in the back of the head, I think he might have had a bat.”

Ian immediately ran the last little bit and fell to his knees next to Jacob.

Mandy had taken off her jacket and balled it behind the kids head, supporting his neck so that his head wasn’t touching the ground.

“Ian.” Jacob said, trying to smile but grimacing in pain from the effort.

Ian had ducked his head and cupped his younger brothers head in his hand. 

“Jake.” He had choked out. “You okay man?”

Jacob had tried to nod but found it too painful and Ian knew from that grimace that this was going to be more than a bump that they could just explain away.

Ian grabbed his phone and did the only thing he could think to do, he pressed down the #1 speed dial and put the phone to his ear.

He didn’t even wait for the hello before choking out.  
“Lip, I need you.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It took Lip less than 5 minutes to run there, a new record. 

When he arrived at Ian he immediately fell to the ground next to his brother and started inspecting Jacob's injuries.

He got the younger boy to sit up slightly and checked out the back of his head.

Lip calls Mandy over to Jacob's side and pulls his brother on his feet and away from the crowd.

“Ian, he needs to go to the hospital, there’s quite a gash and he could possibly have a concussion.” Lip broke to his brother.

“We need to call an ambulance and you should probably call your dad.”

Ian nods solemnly, he grimaced at the thought of how much trouble he was going to be in but that didn’t matter right now, Jacob was what mattered, so he swallowed his anxiety and called his dad.

Clayton answered on the third ring and Ian couldn't stop the tremble in his voice as he briefly filled his dad in with what was happening.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Ian had been the only one to go in the ambulance with Jacob.

Lip had gone home to the Gallagher house with promises of checking in with Ian later that night, 

Mickey had leant in close to Ian once no one was around, whispering that he would find and deal with Jason for him. Ian had nodded his thanks and hugged Mandy before jumping in the ambulance beside his brother.

When the ambulance reached the hospital and Jacob was pushed through the emergency doors, Clayton and Lucy were already there waiting and sprung up when they saw them. 

Lucy ran to Jacob’s side and grabbed his hand, sobbing at the sight of him.

Ian started towards his father, wanting to explain but Clayton held up his hand to his eldest son.

“Go and wait in the waiting room, Ian.” He said gruffly.

“But..” Ian started to say, wanting to at least see if Jacob was going to be okay.

“Ian.” Clayton interrupted firmly. “I can barely look at you right now, I’m furious at you, but that is something we will discuss later, right now Jacob is being taken to intensive care and I need to be with him, so please, can you please just do as you’re told and go and wait in the waiting room.” 

Ian's eyes filled with tears but he nodded and watched as his father gave him a quick nod and turned and ran after his son and wife.

Ian made his way to the waiting room in the emergency department, sinking into a chair and putting his head in his hands, finally let out the sobs that he had been holding back all night, his body shaking with emotion. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It felt like hours before Clayton and Lucy came back out, Dr Patterson in tow.

Ian had calmed himself down, telling himself that he needed to stay strong for his brother right now, he is what mattered.

Ian jumped to his feet and moved closer so he could hear what the doctor was saying. 

“He seems to be doing good Mr and Mrs Gallagher.” Dr Patterson started.

“All his vitals are good and the swelling has gone right down. We will keep him overnight for observation but you should be able to take him home in the morning, now go and get some sleep folks, it’s been a long night.”

Dr Patterson gave them a smile and left them in the waiting room.

Lucy sank onto her husband’s arms in relief at the fact that her son was going to be okay. 

“Lets go home.” Clayton said quietly as they headed towards the exit, Ian following sombrely behind them. 

The ride home was silent, which only gave Ian more time to think about how much he fucked up. He wouldn’t blame either of them if they didn’t talk to him ever again.

When they walked inside the house Clayton finally turned to Ian and spoke.

“Ian, go to your room. I’ll be up in a minute.” 

Ian nodded and climbed the stairs up to his bedroom.  
Once inside he lay down on his bed, putting his hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling.

He loved his bed.

Going from sharing a room with three other guys to having a room and a queen size bed to himself was one of the things that had sold Ian on living with his dad in the first place.

He stayed like that until he heard a knock at his door. 

“Come in.” He said, his voice coming out a lot more croaky then intended.

Clayton entered the room and sat on the end of his sons bed.

“Ian,” he started, clearing his throat, “Lucy and I have discussed your punishment..”

This time it was Ian’s turn to interrupt.

“Dad, please let me talk, I’ll take whatever is coming to me but please, please let me talk for a minute.” 

His voice was breaking and earnest and all Clayton could do was nod in response. 

Ian took a deep breath and stood up, facing his dad and running a hand through his hair.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “ I know that there is nothing I can say or do to prove that to you, but I am. I fucked up.”

Clayton looked like he was going to tell his son off for swearing but decided to let this one slip as Ian continued.

“You know how much Jacob means to me and I would never intentionally hurt him or let him get hurt, but he did get hurt and that’s on me.”

Ian’s eyes start to tear up again and he brushed roughly at his cheek, wiping away an escaped tear. 

“I’m so sorry.” Ian said again, clearing his throat to try and keep his emotions away.

“And I understand; whatever you want to do to me, kick me out, beat me, I'll take it.. I deserve it.” He finished quietly, hanging his head and staring at the floor.

Clayton remained silent for a second, taking in what Ian had just said.

Then he patted the bed next to him where Ian reluctantly sat down.

“Ian, look at me.” Clayton said quietly. 

Ian looked up, meeting his dad’s eyes.

“We're not kicking you out.” He said firmly.

“And where in the world did you get the idea that I would beat you?” He asked.

Ian shrugged, looking down at his lap, not wanting to tell Clayton that he had got beatings off Frank for a lot less.

He didn’t have to, Clayton understood without Ian saying a word. 

“I’m not Frank, Ian.” He said quietly.

Ian jerked his head up. “I know your not Frank, you’re ten times the father he has ever been, but I just thought...”

Ian trailed off again as tears spilled down his cheeks. 

“I deserve it.” He said again, meeting Clayton's gaze, his eyes filled with pain.

Clayton, as mad as he was, could not help but smile as the boy, a wry smile more than a humorous one. 

“Ian, how would me beating you even remotely help this situation? You obviously already feel immensely remorseful for your actions tonight, not to mention the fact that I already have one son spending the night in hospital because of violence, what would be the point of hurting the other son?”

Ian shrugged again, staring down at his hands.

He didn’t know how to answer that; it was just the way it was in the Southside when he was growing up.

You did something; you copped a beating.

You did something really bad; you copped a harsher beating.

It was just the way it had always been.

Granted, Ian hadn’t copped a proper beating in at least three years, things were a lot different in the Gallagher house once Frank had stopped living there   
permanently; he hadn’t been able to find any excuse under the sun to beat on Ian anymore.

Ian had never forgot the last time that Frank had hurt him, a harsh head-butt to the nose over practically nothing. Sure, it had hurt and made Ian hate Frank even more than he thought he possibly could, but that wasn’t the reason he’d never forget it.

It was later that night after he had cleaned himself off and was lying on his bed, trying to get comfortable enough to sleep on his sore face when the door creeped open. Ian looked up to see Fiona walking into his room.

“You awake kid?” She half whispered.

“Yeah.” He replied, sitting up a little.

Fiona had sat on the bed next to him and put a hand on his arm.

“I’ve told Frank that he’s never gonna touch you again, and I think he may actually listen this time.” She said quietly, a look of shame in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from him before.” She said simply, knowing as well as Ian did that there was no way she could have stopped Frank when they were little.

“He’s a dick Ian, you didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

“Any of it.”

Ian just smiled in thanks but inside he felt like bursting into tears. 

He hasn’t ever told anyone, not even Lip, but he always blamed himself for Frank's beatings, after all; Fiona and Lip didn’t cop it anywhere near as bad as he did so surely there had to be something wrong with him right?   
Something that he had done different to his siblings for him to deserve the ‘special treatment’.

So hearing Fiona say those words, that he didn’t deserve it, that it was on Frank and not him.. was such a relief.

“I hate him.” Ian said, a bitter tone to his voice.

“I might as well not have a dad.” He said.

“I’d be better off.” 

Fiona had shot him a sympathetic look, kissed him on the top of his head and left him to sleep, but Ian hadn’t gotten to sleep for at least an hour after that because his brain was flooded with memories of Frank and his own words rang through his head.

I would be better of not even having a dad. 

He had thought to himself.

And Ian had truly believed that.

Until he had met Clayton and experienced what it was like to have a dad that actually gave a shit about him, that went to his meetings at school, that asked him how his day was and that told him he was proud of him.

That thought made Ian feel even worse as he realized how much he cared that he had disappointed his dad.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered in the present, still staring down at his hands. 

Clayton sighed, it was really hard to stay mad at the kid who was so obviously beating himself up inside.

“I know you are, kid.” He said. “I know that you didn’t mean anything bad to happen to your brother tonight, but that isn’t the point. 

“You know how Lucy and I feel about you going to those parties, they aren’t safe and we don’t like you around the type of people that would hit a 14 year old kid in the back of the head for standing up for a girl.”

Ian grimaced, his dad must have heard the story from someone.

Seeing the face Ian made, Clayton explained himself.

“Lip called after we were at the hospital, he figured that I would be mad at you so he called to explain what had happened and tell me I shouldn’t be too harsh on you because it wouldn’t be able to compare to how harsh you would be on yourself.”

Ian gave a half smile at that, it was such a Lip thing to do and say.

Clayton softened at Ian's half smile and put a hand on Ian’s arm.

“You’re a good kid, Ian.” He said fondly. “I know how much you care about your family, all of us.. and I’m really proud of you for that.”

Ian's head jerked up at that, meeting his dad's eyes, he wasn’t expecting to hear that and it brought tears immediately back to his eyes.

“But that doesn’t excuse what you did.”

Ian nodded in shame but didn’t break eye contact with his dad.

“You knew better than to go to that party and you definitely knew better than to take your 14 year old brother there, besides the fact that Jacob got hurt, something really bad could have happened to both of you.”

“You betrayed mine and Lucy's trust and we need to be able to trust you kid, right now we feel like we can't and that’s not okay, which is why we need to punish you.”

Ian felt like he had been socked in the stomach hearing that his dad didn’t trust him, it was an even worse feeling than knowing he was disappointed in him.

Ian blinked the tears away as Clayton continued.

“I’m not kicking you out, and I’m definitely not going to beat you, but you are grounded.”

Ian nodded again, immediately accepting the punishment.

“Three weeks.” Clayton continued, “School, work and home, that’s it.”

“I considered not letting you work, but it’s a responsibility and Linda relies on you, so you can work, but as soon as you finish, straight home and straight to your room, understand?”

Ian nodded firmly, grateful that he was allowed to still work.

“This is a serious situation so it’s a serious grounding, Ian.” Clayton continued.

“No phone, no car, no TV and no running.” 

Ian groaned inwardly at the last one, it was gonna suck not being able to go for his morning run for three weeks but he wasn’t going to argue with his dad, he thought the terms that were laid down were reasonably fair. 

“Okay.” Ian said, the first word he had spoke in awhile.

Clayton stood up, satisfied that his son had accepted the terms of his grounding so easily.

“I’ll give you half an hour to call who you need to tell them that they won't be seeing you around for awhile, I know how much your family worries about you.” 

Clayton said, already imagining how Lip, Fiona and the other Gallaghers would react to not hearing from Ian for more than 24 hours.

“Thanks, Dad.” Ian said gratefully. 

Clayton turned to leave the room when he felt Ian's hand on his arm and turned to face his son again.

“I really am sorry, dad.” He said earnestly.

“I’m going to do everything I can to get you and Lucy to trust me again.”

In that moment Clayton lost all the remaining anger he had towards his son and pulled him close, hugging him tight. 

“I know you will kid.” He said into Ian's hair.

“You know I love you right?”

“I love you too dad.” Ian replied firmly.

Clayton patted his son on the back and pulled away from the hug.

“Half hour starts now.” He said with a smile as he shut the door behind him.

The first person Ian called was Lip. 

He explained what had happened and that he was grounded. 

He thanked Lip for being there for him and for letting Clayton know what had happened.

The last and longest call he made was next.

“Gallagher.” Mickey answered in greeting.

“How bads the damage?”

“He didn’t touch me.” Ian said simply, happy that Mickey had even cared enough to ask.

Mickey whistled lowly. “Papa Northside doesn’t beat on his kids, there’s a new one.” He said, disdainful, but Ian could hear in his voice that he sounded relieved that Ian hadn’t got hurt. 

“Yeah.” Ian replied.

“I am grounded though, for three weeks.” 

Mickey whistled again.

“Grounded, huh? Sucks to be you.” He scoffed.

“Does that mean you won't be at work?” He asked.

Ian smiled at the hint of panic in Mickey's voice.

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to miss me too much, I’m still allowed to work.” He replied, his voice representing the smugness on his face.

“Like I give a shit, I wouldn’t miss your stupid ginger head anyway!” Mickey growled, annoyed at Ian for catching him caring.

This just made the smile on Ian's face even bigger.

“You would so miss my head, no-one gives it as good as me, you’ve said so yourself” Ian quipped.

Mickey couldn’t help but let out a small snort at that.

“Yeah, well.” He said, relaxing again. “You’ve got a point there.”

“So I'll see you at work Monday?” Mickey asked, wanting confirmation. 

This time Ian didn’t give him shit, just answered.

“Yeah, I’ll be there at 3.”

“Good.” Mickey said firmly.

“Oh and I found Jason.” Mickey mentioned.

“let’s just say, judging by the sound the baseball bat made when it hit his ass, he won’t be sitting comfortably for at least a week.”

Ian choked out a laugh, trust Mickey to go for the guys ass.

“Thanks Mick.” He said, almost a little too fondly for Mickey's liking.

“Yeah, well.” He growled in reply.

“Save your gratitude and show it to my ass Monday in the walk in.”

Ian grinned, and even when his dad came back a couple of minutes later and took his phone off him, he still remained in a reasonably good spirit.. maybe this grounded thing wouldn’t be so bad after all.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


	2. Guilt isn't your friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is guilt ridden.

The next morning Ian woke to the sound of a car pulling into their driveway.

  
_Jacob_!

  
Ian immediately jumped out of bed and pulled trackies and a t-shirt on.

  
As per the usual terms of grounding in the Northside Gallagher house; Ian was permitted to use the toilet and the bathroom and use the kitchen for his breakfast and lunch.

  
He was allowed to join his family for dinner when it was called but other than that he was to remain in his room.

  
He definitely wasn’t allowed to hang out in his brothers room, but this time was different, Ian really needed to apologize to his brother and so it was worth a shot.

  
Ian waited until he heard Clayton and Lucy settle Jacob unto his bed and Lucy go downstairs before walking out and using the toilet.

  
As he finished and opened the toilet door, Ian looked up to meet his dad’s eyes as he shut Jacob’s door.

  
Ian couldn't have timed this better.

  
Clayton looked back at Jacob’s room and then to his eldest son’s pleading eyes.

  
He was about to put his foot down but after one more look at Ian, he sighed and relented.  
“One hour.” He said firmly.

  
Then, so he didn’t seem like he was being too much of a push over to his eldest he followed it with a stern-

  
“But then I don’t want to see you out of your bedroom unless it’s to use toilet or make yourself some lunch; for the rest of the day until dinner.”

  
Ian nodded and clapped his dad on the shoulder.

  
“Thankyou.” He said sincerely.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  
Ian didn’t bother knocking before entering his brothers room.

  
“Hey.” He said softly when Jacob looked up from his bed.

  
He was propped up with about 5 pillows behind him to alleviate the pressure off the back of his head and was surrounded by magazines, books, movies and various items, Lucy had even brought the big screen in from the living room so that he didn’t have to leave his bed to watch TV.

  
“You’ve got it much better in here than me in my room.” Ian joked, clearing a few items off the bed so that he could lie up next to his brother.

  
“Sorry that your grounded.” Jacob said, making a face.

  
“Don’t be.” Ian replied. “I deserve it. I should have never have taken you to that party, it was selfish of me. I didn’t want to miss out.”  
Ian sighed.

  
“I’m really sorry you got hurt, man.” He said

  
“You didn’t do it.” Jacob said matter of factly.

  
“But it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t taken you to that stupid party.” Ian argued.

  
Jacob blushed. “Well, it probably wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t trying to impress Mandy.” He said.

  
Ian laughed at that. “Well, no. Probably not.” He replied.

  
“I’m glad you’re okay.” He said quietly.

  
“I’m glad your my brother.” Jacob shot back.  
Ian smiled at him and ruffled the top of his head.

  
“Me too buddy.” He said fondly.

  
Ian then settled back against Jacob's many pillows and stretched his hands behind his head.

  
“So, how many stitches did you end up needing?” Ian asked.

  
“17.” Jacob replied proudly. “The gash was pretty deep they said, but I didn’t end up having concussion or anything.”

  
“I’m glad!” Ian stated.

  
“Does it hurt?”

  
Jacob shrugged. “Not really, they gave me some pain killers but mum said they’ll make me too wired so I’m only allowed to have one at a time.”

  
Ian couldn’t help laugh at the innocence of his little brother, not being able to take two pain killers at once at the risk of it making him high.

  
It truly showed how different Ian's two worlds were.

  
They stayed like that, talking, laughing, just enjoying each other’s company until Clayton poked his head in and told Ian that his hour was up and it was time to go back to his room.

  
Ian reluctantly got off Jacob’s bed after kissing the boy on the top of his head and apologizing one last time.

  
Ian went back to his room and lay down on his bed with a sigh.

  
It has only been a day and a half and he was already bored out of his mind.

  
Being grounded sucked.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

  
Ian pretty much counted the minutes down until dinner, just so he could look at something other than the four walls of his bedroom and for some human interaction other than his own thoughts.

  
He had gone downstairs at lunch time and made himself a sandwich but no-one had been home.

  
Then, all of a sudden, a sickening thought hit Ian.

  
_Lucy_.

  
Ian had not faced Lucy since everything went down, she hadn’t even looked at him at the hospital or on the way home.

  
The only thing he had heard about how Lucy felt about him was that she didn’t trust him anymore.

  
Lucy had been so welcoming to Ian when he had came to live with her family, especially considering the circumstances and he had come to really like her.

  
Now she more than likely hated him.

  
Ian instantly went from counting down the minutes until dinner to not wanting to leave his room.

  
Clayton chose that exact moment to knock on Ian’s door, poke his head in and inform him that dinner was ready.

  
Ian trudged down the stairs, his hands in his pockets and his head hung low as he joined his family at the dinner table.

  
Jacob was already there, having felt well enough to come downstairs to eat, he had gone to a check up with his Dr that afternoon, to check the wound and recheck him for signs of concussion as per the hospitals orders.

  
Jacob grinned at Ian, making him feel a little more comfortable and Clayton gave him a half smile as he handed him a plate.

  
“Thanks.” Ian said softly, still not mustering up the courage to throw a glance Lucy’s way.

  
They all dished a serving of lasagne and salad and sat in silence while they ate, Ian’s eyes barely leaving his plate.

  
Obviously wanting to try and break the silence, Clayton spoke up.

  
“Baseball starts again soon yeah, which team are you going to try out for this year?” he said, directing the question towards Jacob.

  
Jacob looked down at his plate, suddenly uncomfortable.

  
Clayton sensed this immediately.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
Jacob just kept staring, obviously not wanting to answer the question.

  
“Jake?” Clayton tried again.

  
When Jacob still didn’t answer, Lucy set her knife and fork on the table and spoke up.

  
“The Dr told him today that he will need to stay away from any ball related sports for at least 8 weeks because even though the stiches will have gone in four, there is still chance of infection and if he gets hit in the head there is a chance the gash might open back up and be a lot worse.”

  
Lucy couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice when she continued. “8 weeks means he will miss out on try outs and they wont take him this season.”

  
Ian didn’t have to look up to feel her glare, he could feel her eyes boring into him.

  
Ian felt sick, this wasn’t fair, Jacob loved baseball and now he had to miss out for a full season and it was all Ian’s fault.

  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking up and catching Jacob’s eyes.

  
“It’s okay.” Jacob replied lamely, shrugging with one shoulder.

  
“No it’s not.” Lucy cried out, causing the whole table to jump.

  
“Lucy..” Clayton warned warily.

  
“No, Clayton, I’m not walking around on egg shells in my own house, it’s not okay, none of this is okay.”

  
“Jacob has to miss out on something that he loves because of him.” She spat out, glaring at Ian.

  
Ian’s eyes burned but he remained staring at his plate, his fork playing with his untouched food.

  
“Mum! Stop.. It wasn’t Ian’s fault.” Jacob cried out.

  
Lucy scoffed.

  
“He took you to a party where he knew there was going to be drugs, drinking and lots of dangerous people and let you get hurt.. I think there is a little bit of blame to be given there!”

  
Ian sank lower in his chair, his ears turning pink and his eyes burning with shame.

  
“Lucy, stop.” Clayton said softly. “Ian already feels bad enough.”

  
“And so he should.” Lucy replied bitingly.

  
“We trusted him to look after Jacob, we trusted him!”

  
Her voice got low as she focussed her attention on Ian.

  
“We trusted you.” She said, speaking to Ian for the first time since everything went down.

  
Ian didn’t want to look up, he would have rathered to leave the table and not have to deal with this at all, but that wasn’t fair.

  
Lucy had every right to be angry with him.

  
So instead he took a deep breath and looked up into her eyes, ready to take the angry rant that he believed he had earnt.

  
Except when he looked up into his aunts face there wasn’t the anger that he had thought there was going to be, just bitter disappointment.

  
Ian thought that was ten times worse.  
Even though he had already said it until he was blue in the face, he honestly couldn't think of anything else to say, so when he opened his mouth the words just came tumbling out again.

  
“I’m sorry.” His voice broke when he said it, but he knew it wasn’t fair for him to be the one who was upset so he wasn’t going to cry in front of his aunt.

  
With her eyes still boring into his, his aunt let out a huff of air,

  
“Yeah, well sometimes sorry just isn’t enough.” She said crisply and with that she got off her chair and walked out of the room.  
The three boys sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Clayton turned to Ian.

  
“Ian... I..” he started.

  
But Ian politely cut him off.

  
“Can I go back to my room now please?” He asked quietly, still not looking up from the piece of table cloth his eyes were trained on.

  
“Yeah.” Clayton said lamely, not really knowing how to handle this situation.

  
Ian didn’t even look up as he pushed his chair back and bounded up the stairs to his room.

  
It wasn’t until he was safely in his bed with the door closed that he let the tears that had been threatening to erupt from him all night, fall down his cheeks.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

  
It was about an hour later when Ian heard a knock at his door.

  
“Come in.” He said reluctantly

  
Clayton entered, carrying a small Tupperware container, which he placed on the bedside table next to Ian.

  
“Can I sit?” Clayton asked, gesturing to the bed.

  
Ian nodded, sitting up a little to make room for his dad.

  
Clayton sighed and placed his hands on his lap.

  
“I’m really-..” he started.

  
But Ian stopped him.

  
“No.” He said firmly.

  
Clayton raised his eyebrows at his son.

  
“No?” He echoed.

  
Ian nodded firmly.

  
“Please don’t apologize for what happened earlier.” He said.

  
“Lucy had every right to say what she said, to be mad at me, everything she said was true, and I deserved to hear that.”

  
Clayton nodded, he didn’t fully agree with what Ian was saying but knew that there wasn’t any point arguing with his son, it was clear Ian had made his mind up about it.

  
He was actually quite proud of the way Ian was handling this situation, he could have easily accepted the apology; turning it around and making it about him, but he didn’t.

  
He was being very mature about everything.  
Which made it harder to not feel sorry for the kid.

  
“Is there anything I can do though? To make her hate me any less?” Ian asked quietly, bringing his dad’s attention back to him.

  
Clayton shook his head.

  
“Just give her some time, serve your sentence, she’ll come around.”

  
Ian nodded and Clayton put his hand on the boy’s shoulder, causing Ian to hold his eye contact, before continuing.

  
“She doesn’t hate you mate, she’s just- it’s hard for her, this is the first time Jacob has been injured properly and I think it really freaked her out; you hear about this stuff happening, but not to your own kid.”

  
Ian nodded again, sheepish.

  
Clayton took a deep breath before continuing.

  
“She will forgive you Ian, she just might need some time.” He said again.

  
“But kid, you need to forgive yourself too.”

  
Ian smiled wryly at that.

  
“I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon.” He said honestly.

  
Clayton understood why Ian was being so hard on himself but hoped that he wouldn’t beat himself up too hard.

  
Clayton stood up. “Better get some sleep kid, you’ve got a big day of doing nothing ahead of you tomorrow.”

  
Ian had to crack a smile at that.

  
“Was that seriously a joke?” he choked out with a groan.

  
“Just trying to cheer you up a little.” Clayton laughed.

  
He gestured to the Tupperware container.

“Brought you up some dinner, I noticed you didn’t eat before.”

  
Ian was not hungry at all, he still felt sick to the stomach but appreciated the thought.

  
“Thanks dad.” He said gratefully.

  
Clayton gave him a smile and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Ian sighed. He knew that his dad was only trying to help but he knew Lucy wasn't going to forgive him anytime soon, especially if she felt about him the way he did about himself. 

Pure, utter disappointment. 


	3. Breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy realizes just how remorseful Ian really is and helps him have a breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't already tell, I adore the character of Ian.. I love the person that Shameless set him up to be, but feel like he is such a broken character and I'm really trying to explore that in this fic. 
> 
> I am running with the theory that Frank would beat Ian alot more often than he would the other kids and that is something that stayed with Ian.

Ian had just started to drift off to sleep, (it was still really early but he figured he had nothing better to do) when he heard a really soft knock at his door.

  
He almost thought he might be imagining things, but then his door creaked open and Jacob snuck in, half closing the door behind him.

  
“I only have a couple of minutes, dad’s in the shower and mum’s asleep.” He said in a hushed tone.

  
Ian sat up, sleepily wiping his eyes and moved over so his brother could sit on his bed.

  
“I just wanted to make sure that you knew I don’t blame you for the baseball thing, and I really am okay about it.” Jacob whispered, not wanting to get caught in Ian’s room and get his brother in even more trouble.

  
Ian stared at him for a minute, not sure if he believed him. “Are you sure?” he asked.

  
“I would be pissed if I was you.”

  
Jacob laughed. “That’s because you’re actually good at sports.”

  
Ian looked amused. “So are you Jake..” he replied.

  
“Not really.” Jacob said.

  
“I only really play because mum and dad like me to do sports.”

  
“I would actually rather do swimming or track.” He mused.

  
Ian gave him a weird look.

  
“Why don’t you tell them that then?” he asked.

  
Jacob shrugged again. “I guess I want to make them proud.”

  
Ian smiled at how ridiculous his little brother was being.

  
“Jacob, your parents are going to be proud of you no matter what you do, you’re a really great kid.”

  
Jacob looked a bit embarrassed but smiled at his brother in thanks.

  
“You can be a bit of an annoying little shit sometimes too though.” Ian said lightly, earning himself a punch in the arm from his little brother.

  
Ian chuckled.

  
“Thanks for coming and telling me that though.” He said, serious again now.

  
“I was feeling really bad about it all.”

  
A look of irritation washed over Jacob’s face.

  
“I wish mum hadn’t said all that stuff to you.” He said. “I’ve forgiven you, why can’t she?”

  
Ian sighed. “It’s not that simple man, your mum isn’t happy with me because she trusted me with you and you got hurt.”

  
“But it WASN’T YOUR FAULT!” Jacob cried out.

  
“Shhhhh.” Ian said, with a grimace.

  
“And yes, it was.” He said firmly.

  
“I might not have been the one to hit you but I may have well of been.”

  
Ian took a deep breath before continuing.

  
“I’m your big brother, I’m meant to protect you from things, not take you places where you could get hurt. Your mum has every right to be mad at me, I wouldn’t blame her if she never trusts me again.”

  
He looked down at his little brother who looked so much like him, from his red hair to his freckles that resembled Ian’s own.

  
“I really am sorry man, I know you said that you’ve already forgiven me, but I’m still going to make it up to you. As soon as I’m not grounded, I'm all yours, we can do whatever you want.” Ian promised.

  
Jacobs eyes shined with happiness as he lent in and hugged his brother.

  
“I can’t wait.” He said quietly.   
A noise coming from the direction of the door startled both the boys as they jerked their heads up.

  
Lucy was standing at the entrance to Ian’s room

  
_Shit_.

  
But instead of yelling like Ian thought she would, Lucy just turned to Jacob.

  
“Back to bed, young man.” She said sternly.   
“You made me worry when you weren’t in your room.”

  
“Sorry mum.” Jacob said sheepishly as he hopped off Ian's bed. He shot an apologetic look at his brother and gave him a quick wave before leaving and heading to his own room.

  
Ian had no idea how long Lucy had been standing there but judging by her face she had heard at least the tail end of their conversation.

  
“You honestly are remorseful, aren’t you?”

she asked, speaking the first words to Ian that didn’t have a bitter undertone in them since they had been home.

  
Ian nodded adamantly, sincerity in his eyes.

  
Lucy had a thoughtful look on her face as she studied Ian's.

  
She didn’t speak for a couple of moments but then seemed to make a decision in her head.

  
“The dishes aren’t done.” She said slowly. “I was going to leave them until the morning, but...” letting her sentence trail off.

  
Ian immediately jumped up off his bed. “I’ll do them!” He said, taking the olive branch she was offering him.

  
Lucy nodded. “No dawdling though.”

  
“Get them done and then straight back up your room.” She said firmly.

  
“Yes ma’m.” Ian said.

  
He started to walk out of the room but then paused and after some deliberation, turned back to her and caught her eye.

  
“Thank you.” He said earnestly, his green eyes looking straight into hers. Then he walked out and headed down the hall to the stairs.  
Lucy couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto her face, she had never seen a kid so eager to do a chore.

  
But after talking to Clayton and overhearing what Ian had said to Jacob, she had started to realize what her husband meant about just how bad Ian was feeling about everything.   
She was still mad, which as Ian had mentioned to her son, she was entitled to feel.

  
But she felt herself thawing a little when she was listening to Ian take full responsibility for his actions and apologizing to his brother in such a sincere and heartfelt way.

  
It made her wonder if she had been too harsh on him earlier.

  
She had grown quite fond of the boy since he had been living with them, she liked how he was with Jacob and he was always polite and helpful.

  
Lucy walked back to her bedroom where her husband was finishing getting ready for bed, his hair still wet from his shower.

  
“Did I just see Ian walk past?” He asked, confused.

  
“Yes. He’s doing the dishes from dinner.” She said simply.

  
Clayton smiled, understanding the implications of what the chore meant for his wife’s and his eldest sons currently fractured relationship.

  
“Thank you, Luce.” He said to her, sincerity shining in his green eyes.

  
Lucy accepted the thanks but groaned.

  
“You know this isn’t fair right?” she said with a small smile.

  
“It’s hard to stay mad at Ian when I look at him and all I see is you. Sometimes I swear he looks more like you than Jacob does.”

  
Clayton grinned, he liked that Ian looked so much like him.

  
“If it helps, you can be mad at me too.” He joked.

  
Lucy smiled back. “it does a little.”

  
She took a deep breath.

  
“I overheard Ian telling Jacob that he would understand if I never trusted him again.” She said lightly. “Do you think that’s really how he feels?”

  
Clayton looked conflicted, as if he wasn’t sure he was going to say something, but then he opened his mouth.

  
“He thinks you hate him.” He said quietly.   
Lucy recoiled at that.

  
“I told him that you didn’t.” Clayton said quickly, not wanting his wife to feel like she had done something wrong.

  
“Luce.. I’m not saying this because I want you to feel bad, because as Ian said himself, you have every right to be upset and mad if you want to, but last night, after everything happened, Lip said something to me that I didn't fully understand until I got home and sat with Ian in his bedroom.”

  
“He said that I shouldn’t be too harsh on Ian because it wouldn’t ever be able to compare to how harsh he would be on himself”

  
Lucy nodded at this, she had heard it in the boys voice when he was talking to Jacob and had seen it in the grateful look that he had given her when she had given Ian a chance to repent through such a mundane chore.

  
Clayton sighed and ran a hand down his face.

  
“Ian has never said this himself, but Lip has hinted towards the fact that Ian had it pretty bad growing up.” He said, turning to his wife.

  
“I think that Frank used to beat him quite a bit.” He continued quietly.

  
Lucy instantly felt sick.

  
She had known that her husband’s brother was a complete dick, but she didn’t know about this piece of information.

  
“What makes you think that?” She asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

  
“Last night, when we got home from the hospital, when I went up to talk to Ian in his room and tell him that he was grounded, he- he thought I was going to hit him.”

  
Lucy looked at her husband in shock.

  
“What do you mean hit him?”

  
Clayton exhaled deeply. “He thought I was going to beat him.” He said.

  
“What?!” Lucy cried out.

  
Clayton nodded. “That’s not even the worse bit Luce.” He continued.

  
“He honestly thought he deserved me to physically hurt him”

  
Lucy felt like she was really going to be sick now.

  
“Why would he think that?” She asked, horrified.

  
Clayton swallowed. “He didn’t say so, but I think that Frank used to pick on him, I don’t think it would take much for him to...” he trailed off, not really wanting to finish that sentence.

  
Lucy closed her eyes painfully, not wanting to imagine that happening to a boy who she had come to think of as a second son.

  
Clayton sighed. “I’m not saying that we need to go easier on him.” He said.

  
“He needed to be punished and three weeks grounding is fair for what he did.”

  
Clayton stopped and sighed deeply before continuing.

  
“I just want to protect him Luce. I want to somehow take away all the shit that has happened to him to make him think that he deserves to be beaten at all.”

  
Lucy nodded, sharing in her husband’s protectiveness towards the boy.

  
Clayton stood up off the bed and started placing the excess pillows on the floor, getting ready to get in.

  
“I’m going to get a glass of water.” Lucy mumbled, leaving her husband to finish getting their bed ready for sleep.

  
When Lucy reached the kitchen Ian had just finishing drying up the last dish, drying his hands on the dish towel as he turned to face her.

  
“Just finished.” He said quickly, hanging the towel on its hook. “I’m heading back up now.” He stated as he turned around, obviously thinking she was there to growl at him.

  
He looked up at her, his green eyes filled with the same pain she had seen in them earlier.  
Before she even fully knew what she was doing, Lucy had crossed the room and put her arms around the teenager, pulling him close.

  
Ian was stiff in her embrace, clearly surprised by her sudden, impromptu hug.

  
“I don’t hate you Ian.” Lucy said softly. “I’m sorry if I made you think I do.”

  
Ian softened in her arms after hearing her words, but Lucy didn’t let him go.

  
“You’re a good kid, Ian.” She continued. “You just made a mistake, everyone makes them, but it doesn’t define you.”

  
“And it certainly doesn’t make you any less of a good person.”

  
Lucy could feel Ian's resolve lessen and felt a hand on her back as he gave in to the hug.  
“You have a lot of people in your life who love you Ian, who rely on you and who care about you.

  
You’re an honest, kind hearted kid who would do anything for the people that he loves.  
You have a beyond excellent work ethic and work your ass off to achieve whatever you set your mind to.”

  
Lucy could feel Ian shaking slightly in her arms and realized that he was crying, but she kept on going, knowing that this was exactly what Ian needed to hear right now.

  
“You know that you never should have taken your brother to that party, you knew way better than that,” Lucy continued carefully.

  
“But the fact that you have taken full responsibility for your actions and accepted your punishment indisputably, without complaint, shows great maturity on your part and reflects positively on who you are as a person.”

  
Lucy paused for a second, letting her words sink in before proceeding.

  
“We know that you would never let Jacob get hurt on purpose, we know how protective you are of him and how much you care about him. I want to make it very clear to you that Jacob got hurt because of a decision you made, not because of you.

  
The decision to take your brother to that party is what your being punished for, not your integrity.”

  
Lucy finished and broke their embrace slightly so that she could look into Ian’s eyes to say the last part.

  
Ian looked into her eyes, his own eyes wet with tears.

  
“Your father and I are extremely proud of the person that you are Ian, especially considering the conditions of your upbringing.

  
We are completely aware that you had siblings that would care for you and protect you as best they could, but we are also aware that you had parents that were less inclined to do so.”

  
Ian broke her eye contact at this, looking down at his feet.

  
“I know that’s something you don’t like to talk about, and I will respect that.” Lucy said quickly, not wanting the teenager to close off as she had seen him do many times before in the past, not when she could see she was actually getting through to him.

  
Ian nodded mutely and looked back into her eyes.

  
“But my point is; your caring nature, your ability to put others before yourself so selflessly.. that wasn’t instilled in you from your parents.. that’s all you kid.”

  
Lucy could tell by the almost relieved look in Ian's expression filled eyes, that she had gotten through to him, but there was one more thing that she wanted to say so that Ian could go to bed hopefully feeling a little better about himself.

  
She put her hands on Ian's arms, not being able to reach the tall teenagers shoulders and held eye contact with him before speaking.

  
“We love you Ian. Your dad, Jacob, me. We love you and we are so proud of the person that you are.”

  
That was it.  
That was the clincher that broke the dam.

  
That was the sentence that made the teenager who was still so much like a little boy in some ways despite being so mature beyond his years, break.

  
Lucy watched it happen; she watched as years of Ian feeling like he wasn’t good enough to be loved by the fuck-ups that he called his parents, feelings that he earnt everything that Frank put him through...

  
Lucy watched as all those feelings bubbled up to the surface as Ian let them out, as the boy finally, unequivocally, broke.

  
Heavy sobs erupted from Ian's whole body and Lucy didn’t hesitate this time, she stepped forward and immediately pulled the boy into her arms, holding him close to her chest as he sobbed onto her shoulder.

  
Ian didn’t resist this time, he wrapped his arms around Lucy and held her close.

  
“Shhh.. it’s okay, it’s okay.” Lucy repeated as she rubbed circles on Ian's shaking back, comforting him.

  
They stayed like that until Ian's sobs had turned to whimpers and then Lucy finally let him go.

  
Ian took a step back, and noticed the wet patch his tears had made on Lucy’s PJ top.  
“Sorry about that.” He said quietly, gesturing towards the patch.

  
Lucy shrugged. “All good.” She said with a smile. “I have plenty.”

  
They stood in an awkward silence for a minute, both not knowing what to say in the situation.

  
Finally Ian spoke, he held one hand on the back of his head and was clearly embarrassed about showing so much raw emotion to his aunt.

  
“I uh- I’m going to go to bed now, but I.. I just wanted to say thank you, not just for what you said, but for everything you do for me. You didn’t have to take me in and accept me the way you did, especially considering the circumstances, and I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate it and... and I love you too.”

  
Now Lucy felt like _she_ was going to cry.

  
Lucy felt like hugging the boy again but she knew that would only embarrass him more, so she simply smiled and patted him on the shoulder fondly.

  
Ian smiled back and turned to make his way back up to his room.

  
When he reached his bedroom he shut the door behind him, pulled off his t-shirt and trackies and hopped into his bed, pulling the covers over himself tightly and sinking into his pillow.

  
After everything that had happened that night and all the emotions that he had been holding onto for so long had so openly erupted from him, he was utterly exhausted.  
Ian sighed as he felt his body relax, his mind clearer than it had been is days as he let himself drift off into a much needed sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Ian let himself sleep in.. it was a very rare occurrence for him, usually he was up at 5 for his morning run even on a weekend, wanting to smash it out before the sun got too hot.

  
But seeing as he was grounded and confined to the four walls of his bedroom, he let his body get some much needed sleep.

  
He eventually got up at 9, stretching his hands above his head and lengthening his spine, attempting to get rid of some of the soreness his back contained from sleeping so much longer than he usually did.

  
Ian used the toilet and then worked out for a bit, using the pull up bar above his door and doing his usual sets of sit-ups and push-ups.

  
Once he had finished his workout he went and took a shower, making it a bit longer than he would usually take, relishing in the small amount of freedom.

  
After he had gotten dressed he jogged down the stairs to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast.

  
When he got there, Jacob was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

  
Ian poured himself a bowl with milk and sat next to his brother at the table.

  
“Morning man.” He said easily, tucking into his bowl.

  
Jacob smiled at him. “Hey!” Happy to see his big brother.

  
Then Jacob grimaced. “Hope I didn’t get you in anymore trouble last night.” He said.

  
Ian shook his head. “Nah.” He said, leaving it at that.

  
He wasn’t ashamed about what had gone down last night in that very kitchen, but he also didn’t really want to talk about it either.

  
Ian looked around the seemingly empty living area. “Where are Dad and Lucy?” He asked.

  
Jacob shrugged. “Said they had stuff to do and that they would be back later.” He said between a mouthful of his breakfast.

  
Ian nodded. “What are your plans for the day?” He asked, making conversation.

  
Jacob shrugged. “Might play some video games, I’ve got some homework to do and then Hudson is coming over later to hang.”  
Jacob finished eating and got up to rinse his bowl off in the sink.

  
Just out of habit and not really realizing what he was saying, Jacob then turned to Ian, “You?” He asked.

  
Immediately realizing how dumb his question was, Jacob groaned. “ugh, sorry man.” He said with a grimace on his face.

  
But Ian just chuckled.

  
“Well.... first I was going to sit in my bedroom and do nothing.. then after that I was going to sit in my bedroom and do nothing some more.. and then just for good measure, I was going to sit in my bedroom and do nothing.”

He quipped, but there was no malice in his voice whatsoever.

  
Jacob had to laugh about how glib Ian was being about his grounding.

  
But offered his big brother some advice anyway.

  
“From someone that has been grounded 10x more than you have, hang in there.. it will be over before you know it.” Jacob said, smiling at his brother.

  
Ian grinned back, appreciating his brother's insight. “Thanks Jake.” He said kindly, ruffling his hair.

  
Then with an exaggerated groan, he stood up from the table, washed out his own bowl and turned to his brother.

  
“I best be getting back to solitary confinement before the wardens come back.” He cried out dramatically, making his brother laugh again.

  
Clayton smiled as he walked into the room, Lucy close behind him. “You’re in a better mood today.” He remarked.

  
It was the first time he had seen Ian genuinely smile since Thursday and it was really nice to see.

  
Ian turned to Jacob, feigning a theatrical gasp. “They’ve spotted me.” He stage whispered, eyes wide.

  
“Tell my wife and kids I love them!” Ian yelled out as he bounded up the stairs to his room, leaving his brother giggling and his dad with a bewildered look on his face.

  
“Not complaining, but what’s got into him?” Clayton asked Jacob with a smile.

  
Jacob shrugged. “Beats me.” He said.

  
“I’m glad he’s not feeling so down now though, he was really starting to worry me.”

  
Clayton smiled at his youngest in agreement.  
“Me too.” He replied. “Whatever has changed, it’s definitely for the better.” He mused.

  
Lucy busied herself putting away the groceries that they had gotten, smiling to herself.

  
She would probably tell her husband about some of her and Ian's conversation from the previous night later, but for now, she liked being the only one that knew why Ian's temperament had improved so dramatically.  
The fact that her words had seemed to get through to him the way she intended made her smile even bigger.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

  
Ian was bored.

  
He was still in the good mood that he was in that morning but being stuck in his room was not fun at all.

  
He had done his homework and started an extra credit for English that wasn’t due for another month, he had read a bit of a book that Lip had gotten him for Christmas that he hadn’t even read the back of previously and had done push-ups until his arms had stopped wanting to bend properly.

  
He sighed and looked at his watch.  
It was 12.37pm. He wasn’t that hungry after having breakfast a whole lot later then he normally would, but maybe going down to the kitchen and making himself some lunch would break up the day a little.

  
Ian walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, there was no one in sight but Ian could hear Jacob and his friend Hudson playing video games in the den.

  
He opened the fridge and looked at what he could make for lunch. There was leftover lasagne in there that looked quite appetising, so he put some on a plate and zapped it in the microwave for a couple of minutes.

  
When it was done, Ian sat down at the table and dug in.

  
He had just finished rinsing off his plate when Lucy entered the living area, dragging two large washing baskets behind her.

  
Sunday was washing day in the North side Gallagher house, all the washing from the week was washed and hung out ready for the next week.

  
“Hey!” she said when she spotted Ian.

  
“Hi.” He said, giving her a shy smile back.  
Drying off his hands on a towel, Ian went to head back up to his room but Lucy stopped him.

  
“This is going to take me forever by myself.”

She said, gesturing at the full washing baskets.

  
“Wanna give me a hand?” she asked.  
Ian grinned, nodded and immediately grabbed one of the washing baskets from her.

  
They walked the baskets out to the washing line and silently started hanging out the clothes together.

  
Ian used his height to his advantage as he was able to hang the longer items of clothes onto the higher part of the washing line.  
Lucy waited a few moments before she spoke.

  
“Your dad was happy that you were in such a good mood this morning.” She said, continuing to hang the clothes up.

  
“Although he was quite confused. The last time that he had seen you, you weren’t in a good place at all.” Lucy continued.

  
Ian looked down at her, surprised.  
“You didn’t tell him about our conversation from last night? He asked.

  
Lucy stopped what she was doing for a minute as she took in Ian's face, he looked surprised, but also a little grateful.

  
Lucy shrugged. “I didn’t know if you would want me to.” She replied, bending to pick up the next item of clothing.

  
Ian remained silent for a minute as if he was deep in thought and then turned back to her.  
“You can...” he said hesitantly. “I mean, if you want to.. I wouldn’t mind”

  
Lucy nodded thoughtfully.

  
“Ian, have you ever thought about talking to someone.. about stuff?” she asked awkwardly, not knowing how to ask the question properly.

  
Ian shrugged as he continued to hang up the clothes.

  
“I talk to Lip sometimes.” He said simply.

  
If he had understood what Lucy meant he was doing a good job of pretending that he didn’t.

  
“I didn’t mean family.” She said, gaining some confidence now.

  
“I mean like a counsellor.”

  
Ian’s head snapped up and he looked her in the eyes.

  
“Gallagher’s don’t do therapy.” He replied, as if it was something that had been instilled in him from a young age.

  
“Some of us do.” She shot back, not unkindly.

  
Ian raised his eyebrows at her.

  
“You see a counsellor? What for?” he asked, then immediately regretted asking.

  
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that, you don’t have to tell me.”

  
Lucy smiled. “Ian, it’s okay. It’s not a taboo subject. It’s not anything to be ashamed of to see a counsellor, they can really help.”

  
Lucy took a deep breath and set the washing basket that she was holding down.

  
“I started seeing a counsellor about a year ago, after you moved in.” Lucy said carefully.

  
“Because of me?” Ian asked quietly.

  
“No.” Lucy said firmly. But then rethought her answer. “Kind of..” she admitted, “Let me explain.”

  
“It was because of everything; not knowing about you or of your father’s indiscretion for years, going from having one teenager to two teenagers in the house in a matter of weeks...” Lucy trailed off.

  
“You were one of the biggest reasons I went too, but not in the way you think. I never resented you Ian; I really don’t like your mother and am still not entirely happy about my husband’s lack of judgement when it came to her, but none of that was your fault.”

  
“I started talking to the counsellor because I had no idea what to say to you or how to act around you. You weren’t like Jacob who I had raised from the get go.. you were already raised and had gone through things in your 15 years that I couldn't have even begun to imagine.”

  
Ian kept hanging out the washing on autopilot but Lucy could tell her was listening to her.

  
“It took some getting used to...” Lucy continued.

  
“This whole situation and having someone that wasn’t connected, that wasn’t family, to talk to about everything.. it really helped.”  
Ian nodded thoughtfully.

  
Lucy picked up the last couple of items from her basket and secured them to the line.

  
“Thanks for your help.” She said to Ian as he grabbed both baskets and followed her inside.

  
“s’no problem.” Ian replied with a shrug.  
“I better..” Ian trailed off, gesturing towards the stairs.

  
Lucy nodded.

  
But as Ian started to walk off she stopped him.

  
“Hey Ian..?”

  
Ian stopped and turned around.

  
“Will you at least think about it?” She asked.

  
Ian smiled despite himself; he could tell that she wasn’t going to let this go very easily.

  
“Yeah, Lucy. I’ll think about it.” He said with a smile.

  
Then he turned around and jogged up the stairs, back to his purgatory.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

  
Lucy was sitting on the floor folding the washing she had gotten off the line in the living room when Clayton got home that afternoon.

  
“Hey honey.” He said, giving her a kiss.

  
“Hey.” She said softly in return.

  
“How are the boys?” Clayton asked, shrugging off his coat and it up on the hook allocated for coats.

  
“Good.” Lucy replied. “Jacob’s friend Hudson is still here, his mum is going to pick him up before dinner and Ian’s in his room.”

  
Clayton nodded. “I still can’t get over Ian’s mood this morning Luce. I honestly was starting to worry about him; he was being so hard on himself.”

  
Lucy continued folding the washing, but couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

  
Clayton noticed the smile straight away.

“Lucy Gallagher… what are you not telling me?” he asked sternly, but there was humour in his voice.

  
Lucy laughed at him and then proceeded to tell him all about her conversation with Ian from the night before.

  
Clayton sat and listened and when she finished he let out a low whistle.

  
“He really broke down?” he asked.

  
“Yes.” Lucy confirmed. “I felt awful when he started crying, but I knew he needed to hear what I was saying; that he needed to hear that he was cared about and loved, that he was worthy of such emotions.”

  
“Once I started, I knew I had to keep going until I got through to him, help him to stop hating himself.” She continued quietly.

  
“I could see it in his eyes, Clay, it was eating him up inside”

  
Lucy was almost whispering now, emotion filling her just as it had done the night before.

  
“You did really well, Luce.” Clayton soothed, sitting down behind her on the couch and putting his arms around her from behind.

  
“You knew exactly what the kid needed and put your own feelings about the situation aside to help him.”

  
Lucy turned to look up at her husband. “I couldn’t stay angry when I realized how much this was tormenting him.” She said. “He was torturing himself, Clay.”

  
“I know.” Clayton sighed. “I’m grateful you were able to get him out of that mind set.” He said.

  
Lucy smiled up at her husband, pleased by his praise.

“He told me he loves me, you know.” She stated proudly.

  
Clayton's eyebrows shot up. “He did?” he asked, knowing how much that would have meant to his wife who had so graciously taken on a mother position to his eldest child.

  
“Yep.” She replied, her smile getting bigger.

“First time he’s told me that.”

  
Tears pricked at her eyes as he thought back to what Ian had said.

  
“He thanked me for everything I do for him, taking him in and everything.” Lucy told her husband, her eyes shining.

  
“Aw man..” Clayton groaned. “Remind me that the kid did the wrong thing and deserves to be grounded.” He said, running a hand through his hair.

  
“Because my resolve is weakening.”

  
Lucy grinned at that but couldn't help rolling her eyes at her softy of a husband.

  
“He deserves to be grounded, Clay.” She said firmly.

  
But then she hesitated. “Maybe we could lessen his sentence though, two weeks seems sufficient; we ground the kids so that they understand the ramifications of their actions and have time to think about what they did and feel remorseful for their actions, Ian's definitely there.” She said.

  
Clayton nodded in agreement.

  
“Okay, we will reduce his sentence.”

  
Lucy looked thoughtful for a moment.

  
“We might be able to use that to our advantage too.” She said.

  
Clayton looked at her questionably and she quickly explained what she meant.

  
When she finished, Clayton nodded in agreement and they both rose to go and talk to their son.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

  
Ian was attempting to read the book from Lip again, but couldn’t seem to get into it, it was set in world war || and Ian appreciated the thought from his older brother but he preferred the non fiction kind that told him about all the weapons and drills.

  
When Ian heard the knock, he set the book aside.

  
“Come in.” He called out.

  
Ian wasn’t sure who he was expecting but he sure wasn’t expecting both his dad and Lucy to walk in the room and shut the door behind them.

  
He moved over on his bed so that they could both sit down.

  
“Doing some reading?” his dad asked, gesturing towards the book that sat next to Ian's leg.

  
Ian shrugged. “I tried.. it’s not really my thing; I prefer non fiction.” He said.

  
“I’ve got some books in my study I could bring up for you.” Clayton said.

  
Ian smiled gratefully. “That would be awesome.” He said.

  
The three of them sat in silence for a second before Clayton opened his mouth again.

  
“Lucy and I have been talking and we just wanted to tell you how impressed we are with how mature you are being about your punishment.”

  
Ian nodded, and looked down, feeling a little embarrassed.

  
“You have not complained about it once and have eagerly helped Lucy out with anything she has asked you to do.”

  
Clayton put his hand on Ian's arm, causing the teenager to look back up at him.

  
“We understand how remorseful you feel about the situation Ian and are very proud of the way that you have handled yourself.”

  
“Which is why we have decided to lessen your sentence.” Clayton finished.

  
Ian’s eyes grew wide. “Really?” he asked.

  
“Yes.” Clayton nodded firmly. “We've decided to reduce your grounding from three weeks to two.. but there is one condition.”

  
Ian nodded, waiting to hear what the condition was.

  
Clayton hesitated and looked at Lucy who nodded for him to continue.

  
“The condition is that you see the counsellor that you and Lucy were talking about.”

  
Ian groaned inwardly; he really should have seen that coming.

  
“I thought I had a choice in that?” He said, focussing his question on Lucy.

  
But his dad answered for her.

  
“You do have a choice.” He said. “You can accept the terms and have a week taken off your grounding, or you can keep the extra week and see the counsellor anyway.”

  
Clayton said this sternly, but there was a hint of humour in his eyes.

  
Ian groaned out loud this time.

  
“Fine!” He said, throwing his hands up and giving in. “If it’s that important to you guys, I’ll go!” he snapped.

  
“Thank you.” His dad said haughtily.

  
Ian kept the scowl on his face for about 30 seconds after that before a smirk crept onto his face and he burst out laughing.

  
Clayton grinned at him.

  
“You know that wasn’t a fair choice at all right?” Ian asked, but he had a smile on his face.

  
Clayton smiled back. “I know kid.. but it is really important to us, we really think it could help you deal with some things.”

  
Ian nodded, resigning to the fact that it was going to happen whether he liked it or not.

  
As his dad and Lucy stood up to leave, Ian looked up at them.

  
“Thanks though. For reducing my sentence.. I really appreciate it.”

  
Clayton smiled at him and Lucy bent down and kissed him on the cheek, making him instantly blush.

  
“You’re welcome kid.” Clayton replied as he shut the door behind them.

  
As soon as they left, Ian sank back on his bed and laced his fingers behind his head.  
He was going to therapy.

  
Great.

  
Mickey would have a field day with that news.

  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

  
Ian spent the rest of his afternoon poring through the books his dad had brought him up from his study.

  
They were actually pretty cool, he was surprised to find out that his dad had similar taste in stuff to him.

  
But then again, Ian had always been interested in different things than his siblings, maybe he got that from his dad.

  
He was so absorbed in one book that detailed the different weaponry used for different situations in the war, that he completely lost track of time and so when his dad poked his head in to tell him that dinner was ready, Ian nearly jumped out of his skin.

  
Clayton chuckled. “Told you I had some good ones.” He said, pleased that his son shared his interest in that kind of thing.

  
“These are great!” Ian gushed. “I’m really enjoying this one.” He said, showing his dad the cover.

  
“That’s my favourite too.” Clayton said.

  
“Now come on... We’re both going to get in trouble if dinner gets cold before we get down there.”

  
Ian grinned and hopped up off his bed, following his dad downstairs.

  
Ian had never heard of Sunday night roasts before he moved in with his dad. Fiona had always made sure they had a Turkey on Thanksgiving and a Chicken on Christmas, but this was like Christmas once a week for Ian.

  
Lucy always went all out, a big roast with all the trimmings and tonight was no different.

  
Clayton smiled as he looked around at his family, serving themselves and laughing as they told stories about their days, Ian gushing once again about the books that he had lent him to read, the light that had been missing from his eyes was back with a vengeance.

  
Sure, life was messy; Jacob still had stitches in the back of his head and Ian was still grounded, but watching his family so carefree and happy, he had to admit;

  
Life were pretty damn good.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think.


End file.
